Your promises are the truth you cannot say
by Pampermousse
Summary: post-movie Anna and Nikolai meet again


Anna pulls her black coat tighter around her body. She stuffs her hands in her pockets and looks up at the cloudless starry sky. She exhales deeply in relief and immediately feels guilty. Jonathan had been pleasant, it was a nice evening until his beeper went off and he was called away back to the hospital. Her mother had taken Christine for the night to her house so Anna had her flat to herself tonight. Her mother had insisted, saying she needed to start living her life again, meeting people. The forgetting people was left unsaid.

Jonathan had chosen a gastro-pub near the Trans-Siberian restaurant. She could see it during the meal out of the window. It was perfect irony of course. The night she decides to try and move on, she ends up right back where she started. Her eyes had kept flitting towards the window throughout dinner and now here she was, outside the entrance, waiting.

She stands by the streetlight, watching the cars. She sees a black car pull up and her heart quickens. Two men bundle out and head straight through the restaurant doors, she doesn't recognise either of them. Her hair is loose and it is whipping around her face, and she is pre-occupied with pulling a strand out of her eye that she doesn't realise another car has pulled up until it is parked to her side. She sees him pulling a passed out Kirill from the back and hauling him to the door. He still hasn't seen her yet which gives her a few seconds to study him. His usually immaculate hair is windblown, flatter, like how it was at the hospital and then at the river. She prefers it this way, it softens his whole face. He finally looks up when he turns around to catch his breath, and she can see he is surprised. He leaves Kirill at the steps and comes to her.

"What are you doing here?"

She has imagined this moment so many times, in the early hours of the morning, when she is lying awake dreaming about the different path her life could take.

"I was just passing." She says, but it is with a smile and he gives a small smile back.

"Let me take care of this," he says pointing to Kirill and he opens the restaurant door and speaks to someone in Russian who drags Kirill inside.

He walks back to her and stands close looking over her face.  
"You want to get a drink?" he asks and she looks down and smiles to herself.

"Yes."

He chooses a small vodka bar a short walk away. It is the kind of place that caters to the young trendy things in the area, and has probably never been patronised by an actual Russian before. People are standing around high tables and they find a free one at the back. He takes her coat and looks at her in surprise and she remembers that he has only ever seen her in jeans before. The black dress and heels must be a shock. He raises his eyebrows and manages to convey appreciation and inquiry at the same time.

"I was meeting someone."

"Ah. Where is he?"

"He had to leave."

"And now you are here."

She keeps his gaze and his eyes soften, like they did that day at the river.

"I will get you drink. What do you have?

"A vodka is fine."

He nods and leaves to the bar. She watches him catch the attention of the barman easily, as well as a number of women. She feels him looking at her and smiles at him when he returns.

"How is Christine?" He asks.

"She's really well. Do you want to see a picture?"

She digs into her purse and pulls out a photo of her smiling.

"She is beautiful. Just like her mother." He says looking at her.

Anna looks away and bites her lip, wondering what she is doing.

"I see Kirill hasn't changed."

He just raises his eyebrows but doesn't give anything away, only saying, "It's complicated."

"You follow trial?" he asks taking a gulp of his vodka

"Yes, here and there. How long do you think it will be before he gets out?"

"Six years maybe" off her look he continues, "no need to worry. You will be safe."

Anna gives a small smile which he returns, knowing he could never know that but both believing the false reassurance for the moment.

The place is filling up and Anna gulps down her drink as well, although it burns her throat. Nikolai is still studying her.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asks and he just nods.

They walk for a while in silence, her leading the way. She realises that she is walking towards the embankment alongside the river. When they get there she leans over the wall, looking at the lights of London and the dark water below her.

"I used to love walking here, being near the river."

"Now?"

"It just reminds me of nearly losing Christine. It makes me scared."

"I think I also made you scared no?"

She closes her eyes and smiles. "Maybe at the beginning," is all she will say. "I keep thinking about Tatiana, about how unfair everything is. She suffered so much for what?"

He looks at her with a flicker of understanding before saying, "life is hard. Christine is lucky to have you."

"I keep wondering what it was like for her," she continues, "being forced to do all those things." She looks away, "the girls that Kirill keeps…the prostitutes. What is it like for them? How do they manage?"

He looks out at the river and sighs. "It is probably worse than you can imagine Anna Ivanovna."

"But you don't have to imagine do you? You know?"

"I said I was bad man. I didn't lie."

Anna feels her eyes well up in irritation. "So are you King now then?"

"It's complicated." He seems to relent a little, "I want to tell you, but not now. Now I want to be man and pretty woman, enjoying a walk. That is all." And the way he is looking at her reminds Anna of why she is here with him instead of at home in her warm bed. The wine and vodka have made her reckless or maybe just given her the strength to do the things she has been tempted to do for a while.

"My place is not far from here." She says and he reaches out to flick a strand of hair away from her cheek.

If he were a religious man, he would think that someone was favouring him tonight. He had been called to pick up Kirill from a brothel, he was already passed out when he got there, and he had had to interrupt a business meeting to deal with it. Seeing Anna there outside the restaurant was like going back in time, with all the pieces arranged in the same manner, but things irrevocably changed.

He knew he should have walked away, but he was tired. He was putting her in unnecessary danger. Soon Kirill would find out he had been betraying him and he would come after everything with even a tenuous tie to him. When he had asked for a drink he knew she would accept, just like he had known she would ignore him last year.

At the bar, when he had gone to get them a drink he watched her, saw the fall of her blonde hair past her shoulders now, the black dress that hugged her curves in a different way to the tight jeans and leather jacket he associated with her, he could imagine they were ordinary people. Or rather, that he was an ordinary person. The pull he had felt for her all those months ago was still strong. They still communicated through silences, not talking much. At the river, asking those questions, she had taken him out of the fantasy and he had been irritated. But now, sitting in the taxi, he wonders what they are doing. They each sit by a window, as far apart from each other as they can get. Nikolai wants to believe that he is thinking rationally, that he has a plan for this. She looks over at him and catches his eye and he reaches out his hand towards her. She takes it and he gently strokes her thumb. They keep looking at each other and the expression in her eyes changes to one which makes him think of things he shouldn't. He reaches out for her again, but this time pulling her towards him, and he doesn't have to pull much since she comes willingly. His hands are in her hair as he kisses her and hers slip underneath his coat, settling on his chest. He can feel the driver looking at them through the mirror. He releases her,

"How far away are we?"

"It's close" she replies softly, with a teasing smile.

He pays the driver in crisp bills moments later, and he catches Anna watching the act with a slight frown. He follows her to the door.

Anna wishes she had some discipline in where she puts her house keys in her bag. Instead she just drops them in and spends minutes looking for them. Right now, she doesn't want any extra time to think about what she is doing and with whom. She doesn't want to think about a man who takes out brand new notes to pay with, and have to wonder where he got them from.

She finally finds them and he already has his arms around her before she can shut the door. She pulls his coat off and quickly discards her jacket and shoes. He pulls her into the nearest room and then onto the sofa. She kisses him with a violence that unsettles her but he is murmuring things in Russian that she doesn't understand, returning her kisses with equal passion but also with a tenderness that she cannot find herself. She pushed him down and straddles him, lifting her dress up over her.

"You remember the first time we met?" he asks sitting up slightly to pull his shirt up over his head.

"Yes, you wanted to buy my bike." He grins at the memory and sits up properly under her, arms around her waist pulling her close.

"I wanted to do more that that." he says in a low voice that makes her shiver.

She kisses him again and they have sex there on the couch, it's rougher than she is used to but it is by her instigation and it seems to turn him on as well. And when he comes loudly she looks down at his face, trying to see who he really is.

They moved up to the bedroom at some point in the night and Anna slips out of his sleeping grasp, puts on her robe and heads downstairs. It is 4am, her mother will be here in 5 hours with Christine. She stares at the kettle, at the sink, at the normality of life around her. She wonders whether she has brought even more danger into Christine's life with her recklessness. But she can't bring herself to regret it. She hears him coming down the stairs. He has put on his clothes.. He has a cigarette in his hand and lifts his eyebrows in a question. She points outside and he puts it down on the table.

"When is Christine back?"

"Soon."

"So I go as well. Kirill will be wondering."

She thought she had known him last night, or at least known enough, but now, she feels the same sense of unsettlement that she felt last year.

"Will I see you again?" she asks

"I don't know. It is difficult. I want you to be safe."

She turns away, angry at herself for asking him, angry at wanting him to say yes and also no, and for putting her family in unnecessary danger.

He comes to her and strokes her cheek, "Anna. If I could live my life the way I wanted…" She leans into his touch and prepares herself to say goodbye again.

"You haven't asked me who I am," he says

"I know."

He is looking at her, waiting for an explanation, but she has none.

"Your mother, she often babysits?"

She smiles saying, "yes, once a month. She thinks I need to get out more. Meet someone."

"Like yesterday with your dinner. He is nice guy,"

"You don't even know him." she says

"Yes, but he is doctor right? A good man."

"So you really want me to see him again."

He looks away and smiles. "I never said that. I want to take you back to Russia and show you so many things Anna Ivanovna, the mountains, the towns, the place I would like to build a house, and maybe one day I will. But first I have things to do. You understand?"

"Not really, but I don't need to understand everything. I think I understand the important part."

He leans down and kisses her softly, like the first time. With their heads together he asks her,

"So if I was to come here one day and ask you to come with me. What would you say?"

"You'll have to ask first."

He smiles softly, kisses her one last time and leaves.

ste your document here...


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